Just last year my New Year resolutions included hiding under a rock until I felt “enough” to go public. I didn’t quite word it that way on my vision board, but if I’m honest “6 month social media fast” was a cover up for feeling occupationally underdeveloped and socially not good enough. From January to June, I didn’t grace the internet with my presence and while it was incredibly refreshing, it was also my way of hiding, something I’d been doing on and off since early 2015 when I deleted my Instagram after my little brother died. I’m certain I’m not the only one who has mistaken obscurity as the path to social status and career success, so I’ve dedicated this week to those who struggle with consistently sharing themselves and their gift with the world. If you’ve realized that waiting until you feel good enough will result in you never launching your dream, continue on to read my latest devotional “2018 on Display”…
When I pledged Delta, my big sisters struggled to come up with my line name. Preview is what it ended up being, but I found out after my line sisters and I crossed that “Mask Off” had also been in the running. They didn’t think I was fake, they just didn’t think I was easy to read. I was observant, and obedient, and sarcastic, but in managing to be all that, I wasn’t revealing all of me and they could sense it. Now, for the record, I’m most definitely an onion and few have managed to peel back many layers, but brutal honesty with myself and from my husband this year have led me to the realization that I’m also a hider. I don’t hide out of dishonesty (ask anyone who knows me, I’m not afraid to tell the truth), rather because of my standards. In my head there’s an idea of who I want to be and each time I become her, I create a “better” idea, in essence meaning I never truly reach the standard I’ve set for myself and live nothing more than a life of striving. Because of my infatuation with perfection, pictures are good enough when I take them, but never good enough when it’s time for me to post them; words are profound when I write them, but subject to my red pen of criticism shortly after; and accomplishments are celebration worthy when I’m in the process of achieving them, but seem dull once I do. To break this vicious cycle, I’ve deemed 2018 my year “on display” and written the following promise to myself which I will speak aloud daily as an affirmation:
I am good enough…to be looked at, to be modeled after, to be inspired by, and to be bragged on. There is no one worth comparing my present self to, not even my future self. Even if I spend the rest of my life becoming no greater than I already am, I am great enough. My current greatness is legendary – it would benefit no more from being enhanced than it would from being left alone to forever exist as an example of how great one can be. I promise to promote myself, to share my gift, and to bask in my glory. I didn’t deserve the criticism I subjected myself to in the past. I don’t need poking or prodding, I am fine just as I am. What sense does it make that I strive when who I am already is being striven for? I am goals. I will hide no more because it would be a shame for someone like me to be hidden, for the world to never experience the fullness of who I am. This is my year on display. Today is my day on display. I am worthy of being displayed.
If you’re sick of being the reason you’re unknown and your vision is unmanifested, join me by making 2018 your year on display.